> North vs. South
>
> The North has coffee houses,
> The South has Waffle Houses
>
> The North has dating services,
> The South has family reunions.
>
> The North has double last names,
> The South has double first names.
>
> The North has Indy car races,
> The South has stock car races.
>
> The North has Cream of Wheat,
> The South has grits.
>
> The North has green salads,
> The South has collard greens.
>
> The North has lobsters,
> The South has crawfish.
>
> The North has the Rust Belt,
> The South has the Bible Belt.
>
> FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .
>
> In the South: If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a
four-wheel drive pickup with a tow chain will be along before long. Don't
try to help them, just stay outta their way. This is what they live for.
>
> Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store -- Do
NOT buy food at this store.
>
> Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is
plural possessive.
>
> Get used to hearing, "Ain't from round here, are ya?"
>
> Save ALL bacon grease -- you will be instructed later on how to use it.
>
> Don't worry about not understanding what folks are saying, they can't
understand you, either.
>
> The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's
vocabulary is the adjective "big 'ol," as in truck or boy. Most Northerners
begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial
about it. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer
proper.
>
> Be advised that "He needed killin'!" is a viable defense here.
>
> If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all watch this!", git out the
way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
>
> If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest
accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store.
It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not, just go.
>
> Don't be surprised that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns and are
proficient marksmen -- their mammas taught 'em.
>
> In the South, we found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to
pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
>
> AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think
we'll accept them as Southerners -- after all, just because the cat had
kittens in the oven, you wouldn't call 'em biscuits, would you?
