7 Types of sex
>
> 1 ----- SOCIAL SECURITY SEX
>
> Two men were talking. So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special.
> I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know:
> I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"
>
> 2 ----- LOUD SEX
>
> A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem,
> doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out
> this ear splitting yell."
> "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see
> what the problem is."
> "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"
>
> 3 ----- QUIET SEX
>
> Tired of a lifeless sex life, the man came right out and asked his
> wife during a recent lovemaking,
> "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?"
> She looked at him casually and replied,
> "You're never home!"
>
> 4 ----- CONFOUNDED SEX
>
> A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and
> torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could
> give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the
> surgery since it was considered cosmetic.
> The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small," $6,500 for
> "medium," and $14,000 for "large." The man was sure he would want a
> medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over
> with his wife before he made any decision The man called his wife on
> the phone and explained their options.
>
> The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking
> dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.
> The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".
>
> 5 ------ WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX
>
> A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
> wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a
> headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."
> "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
> reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last'."
>
> 6 --- NO SEX
>
> My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will
> make you happy tonight." He was right.
>
> When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs.
> He couldn't get back in.
>
> 7 ---- OLD SEX
>
> One night an 87 yr. old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 yr.
> old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up
> pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted living
> apartment...killing him instantly.
>
> Brought before the court on a charge of murder.The judge asked her if
> she had anything to say in her defense. She began coolly, "Yes , your
> honor, I figured that at 92, if he could have sex..... he could fly."
